Archive for January, 2010

out and in
January 29, 2010

ms fest this time next week.
i saw someone today who i like to refer to as “manwhore”
it’s funny looking at him and thinking back to the times when i used to like him so much.
what did i honestly see in him.
yeah he is hot, very hot. but whats he got to offer?
a breaking of a heart and a quick fuck?
thats what everyone seems to gain from him.
glad i got out of there early.

webcam?
January 28, 2010

 

 

amazing people, amazing time. (:

open your eyes, theres a bigger world out there.
January 28, 2010

i’ve been writing this blog for about half an hour, i erase what i have to say then re-write it.
i have so much on my mind lately.
i don’t know who to talk to, who to trust.
i’ll tell you something though.
Trust is a lie, people are not truthful and are not worthy anymore.
think about it, no one has privacy anymore.
Everyone knows everyones buisness, people thrive off other peoples gossip.
including myself.
i never wanted to be one of those people, but it’s so easy to get sucked in.
i want nothing more than to change that though, i don’t want to know anymore.
i want to be different.
but you ca
n’t be individual, you can’t be perfect and you definatly can’t be yourself.
So tell me what do you want me to be?  where do i fit in?
because no matter where you go people are going to label you.
and once you have that label, it’s hard to lose it.

So i guess i’m just a 15 year old girl trying to find my place.
trying to find my way.
trying to find my self.

inspiration
January 26, 2010

“Looking back on what I said all those years ago, all the hopes and dreams I had, I’ve come to the conclusion that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to is the measure of a successful life, then some would say that I’m a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life’s disappointments. Learn to let go of the past. And recognize that every day won’t be sunny, and when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair remember it’s only in the black of night you see the stars. And those stars will lead you back home. So don’t be afraid to make mistakes, or stumble and fall, because most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you’ll get everything you wish for. Maybe you’ll get more than you ever could’ve imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination.”

is that alright?
January 26, 2010

im in love with the world, through the eyes of a boy.

“pops lost sight in one eye today” – words like these come up in casual conversation at my house. i feel shut out and left out in the dark sometimes. i really am in the rough these days.

the end is amoungst us.
January 9, 2010

Popa.
everything that was us is dying off. memories of me and my mothers grandparents were crashing down on me. i remember when pop and me used to pick the apples of the tree, i remember when we used to go to the farm for hours and fish, i remember paddy the dog, i remember watching the new birds unhatched with popa holding me safe on the ladder, i remember learning how to garden from him, i remember being with them everyday after playgroup for two years, i remember them being my favourite two people in the world, i remember spinning around on the brown couch for ages, i remember the family bbq’s, i remember the bird pop found, i remember cooking with nan, i remember learning the names of all the flowers they owned in the garden, i remember knitting with nan, i remember  the elmo’s magical christmas video, i remember the “play corner”, i remember the icecream and milos that are still going, i remember every chrismas with them and pops santa hat that lights up at the end, i remember pops massive appetiete, plus so much more.

now i remember how frail you are and how the apple tree is dying.

i remember sitting on my pops lap and looking into his eyes for hours just listening to him sing to me. and this is now when i cry.
i love you pop. forever 😦

i don’t like this game.
January 5, 2010

Are all guys heartless users. Or just the ones I seem to associate myself with?  Being second best isn’t good enough for me i’m sorry. You’ve hurt me. Why can’t I find my perfect match.

 I’ve been waiting nearly 16 years.

we’ll crawl until we can walk again.
January 3, 2010

I’m the one who lost the view.

Sometimes  lose track of myself. I shy away from things of which I should be acknowledging. So right here right now, I want to say how much I love everything in my life. I’m not hard to please, I am not a needy girl but then again there are certain things I can’t go without. Such as certain people in my life.

I’ve come to realise that everyone needs a best friend. Someone they can always count on, my whole life I have been kidding myself thinking that I have had these amazing best friends. Girls that will never leave my side but have proved me wrong. I’m sick of being hurt by girls. Through my whole time at St Brendan Shaw College, there has been one girl who has stood by me the whole way and I am so lucky that she is still here, Chloe Jennifer Harris your amazing. Your one of the best people to come into my life, you’ve stuck by me for so long and I honestly don’t give you enough praise for everything you have given me. So thankyou from the bottom of my heart. Theres also another amazing girl in my life. Hannah Richardson. I don’t know where to start, and I would never know where to end. Your everything a girl needs in a friend, you’re the only person that i fully trust these days. Your so strong honest to god, half of the stuff I have/am going through seems like nothing when I have you by my side. You make me so happy to have someone that cares so much about me feels so good! Never leave me.

well i never wanna lose that view.

and i will find strength in pain and i will change my ways.
January 2, 2010

The night has a thousand eyes,
And the day but one;
Yet the light of the bright world dies
With the dying sun
The mind has a thousand eyes,
And the heart but one;
Yet the light of a whole life dies
When love is done.


the words of which i mean.
January 1, 2010

2010.
a new start?
or just another way to f up my life.

I never stop to think, to think of how my actions might effect other people. But lastnight i did, i hesitated and thought and yet again i hurt, and i hurt the best thing in my life. I may have hurt you, i may have done something beyond understanding but you can’t deny the love i have for you, how much i miss you and our “forever”.

It’s too late to let all your feelings show, too late to show them, but never too late to mend them. 
Cause my heart is breaking with every word your saying.