Don’t change, whatever it is. May 26, 2010

I hate that feeling when your hungry, but you don’t want any food you see, and you can’t figure out what food you want, and you don’t even think it exists, but then you realise that what you want is to see the person your missing.

People can surprise you a lot.
Take last night as an example.
I was fairly upset, for some reason that is totally non important anymore, well maybe.
And someone i barely knew comforted me, that felt great.
Sometimes i think it’s better to confide in someone you know, rather than someone who knows everything about you.
Just for the simple fact that you can trust them a little and know that they wouldn’t tell anyone.
Well in this case anyways.
It felt good.

It’s amazing what you can find when cleaning your room.
I found:
1.  Many delectable dust bunnys haha.
2.  Lots of cards from family, friends and ex friends. I enjoyed reading over them immensely.
3. Two tubes of pawpaw, who knew?
4.  Three filled up journals, also exciting to read back over (I’ve liked some weird people)
5.  5, 00000000000 teddy bears.
6. My scarf that i am vvvv slowly knitting for Tegan.
7. The list of things ….. stole from …..
8. My c.d player that Cassie and Molly destroyed with writing. Molly for eg. Ellie i can see a green bra in your draw lol lol
9. Ugly photos of me in the 9-12 age, i think everyone is ugly in this time of life.
10.  A lot of hair slides on the floor.
11. Chicken fillets! ha, classic.
12. Failed attempts of scrapbooking.
13. $7.30 in coins.
14. I also found the floor, which i haven’t truely seen in months.
I LOVE THE SPACE.

How many times can i break, until i shatter? May 25, 2010

I don’t want to be in this situation anymore.

I’m going to crawl into a ball and cry.

jjjekdjewifjeifelifkidew

Your fingertips, across my skin. May 24, 2010

“You can find your hope
Amongst the crowds
Of all the people you’ve let down
We’ll find a way to make this OK
Well yeah we skipped through the nights
It’s all that we need to
And maybe it’s all we could ever need
Just to make us through the night

I will never give up on you for
All the times you’ve stayed and protected me
Tried and make me better
So now I’ll try to let you know that
This is the English way to make us all fit back together.”

10 things on my mind.
1. Why haven’t we talked all day, anger? Thoughtlessness? Guilt? actually i don’t think you realise that there is actually something to be guilty about which to me utterly ridiculous as you hurt me a lot with your words last night. 2. After seeing Letters to Juliet today it made me think a lot about spontaneity. I wish that mystery’s and romance came true. I sometimes think about being a journalist dedicated to love, it would be a dream come true. 3. Self-Saucing pudding and the miracles it brings to my tum-tum. I am so glad that i went to Woolworth’s and picked that off the shelf, although it burnt my poor tongue. 4. WYD in Madrid 2011, i have never felt so passionate about something. I keep thinking of me and Chloe in Italy, France, Rome and Spain. Although it is in an amazing country i want to go for my faith i really do, God has become a massive part of my life lately and i want to become so much closer to God. 5. Dallas Green and my all time lover Bon Iver, their lyrics, their voices. Truly inspirational, i wish i could express my feelings as they do. Let me share with you my favourite song at the moment called Sleeping Sickness, it’s so old, but so good.

I’ve become, the simple souvenir of someone’s kill
Like the sea, I’m constantly changing from calm to ill
Madness fills my heart and soul
As if the great divide could swallow me whole
Oh, how I’m breaking down

Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Maybe I’ll sleep when I am dead
But now its like the night is taking up sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be? This misery will suffice

6. This podcast i’m listening to on One Tree Hill, Haley says “Halo for me, is just about loving someone for their faults and not just their strengths. About recognising that love isn’t always a fairytale.” It’s good. I’m Tree Hill obsessed thank you Hannah, oh golly. 7. I’m cleaning my WHOLE room tomorrow, like getting rid of things, it makes me happy but also a little scared at the same time. I love my massive clutter, i tend to hoard a lot of things. 8. 10:00pm, for reasons that will be unknown to you i’m sorry. 9. 145, 851 deaths have occurred today. 55,092 Species have gone extinct this year. 1,366,480,347 people have no access to safe drinking water. 15,534 days till the end of oil. 18, 280,671 abortions this year. 425, 717 suicides this year. And that’s only in the case of being on that site for 4 minutes. 10. I am too lazy, i need a job, i need to start my homework, i need to get out of bed and i need to get motivated. Tomorrows a new day.

Makes me want to lose myself. May 24, 2010

Am i lying to myself?
I lost a little bit of respect for you tonight.

All my hate cannot be bound. May 21, 2010

Soul is freedom, Love is power, Hope is love.
Dreams are revolutions.

I’ve been broken down. May 21, 2010

Saturday night:
Home.
Alone.
No reply.
No word from you.
I feel..
Lonely.

i’m falling, what else can i say, i’m fading away. May 20, 2010

What does it matter what you weigh?
What you look like?
What you can and can’t do?
You have a “perfect” boyfriend who loves you, loving family and a lot going for you.
But when i say this, i am being a hypocrite and i’ll admit that.
You are one of the most beautiful girls i know.
I want to tell you this.
But i wouldn’t consider us close friends, and i doubt you would read this anyways.
I think curves are beautiful, I think natural is better, I think your extremely talented.
Nobody’s perfect.

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.

I want to make a thousand paper cranes
and i want to create a difference.
I want to befriend a stranger
and i want to read all the books by Jodi Picoult.
I want to buy a Polaroid camera
and i want to do Ballet.
I want to paint my nails
and i want to watch all of One Tree Hill.
I want to be in a movie
and i want write a songs.
I want to enjoy coffee
and i want to overcome my fear of rides.
I want to forever do all my best thinking in the shower
and i want to love brad for a long long time.

Do you reckon my wants will ever come true? I have faith.

if you feel lost and tired this is your song. May 18, 2010

This photo was taken in the year i was born, 1994 by Kevin Carter.
It shows a starving child crawling towards a United Nations food camp located a kilometer away.
The vulture is waiting for the child to die so that it can eat it, This picture shocked the whole world.
No one knows what happened to the child, including Kevin who left the child as soon as he took the photograph.

Three months later Kevin Carter committed suicide because of this picture.

Today had the potential to be a bad day.
Today was a bad day to someone special to me.
But today, for me, was a good day.
Because today i realized that i am not alone in this journey.
That there is someone there that actually understands what i am going through.
Someone special, who goes through a lot of what i do myself.
You UNDERSTAND me, and i have been looking for that.
For so, so, so long.
So Renee Frances Verhoeven i thank you for today’s discovery of your wonderful, wonderful understanding.
You only deserve the best of what life gives you.

8:54pm May 17, 2010

I WANT TO SCREAM BECAUSE YOUR NOT LISTENING TO ME, WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY IS IMPORTANT AND YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.

all there is inside me, screams to come back home. May 17, 2010

je t’aime plus que tout au monde.
I love you more than anything.

Love isn’t simple, and i’m still learning this.
Why does the world lie to us.
Show us all these pictures of things that many will never get or even come close to.
Tell us that we can achieve anything that we set our mind to.
Be anyone that we want to be.
Make our wildest dreams come true.
Change when we become people we don’t like.

Because many of these things to me, seem unreachable.
Why can’t life be simple.