I can’t tell you what it really is, i can just tell you what it feels like.

Hear me cry.
Hear me lie.
Hear my voice.
Hear me.


Today it rained, a lot.
Me and Lauren danced in the rain, with laughter.
I existed at that moment, i felt the rain on my skin.
And i smiled a real smile, because it is the simple things like that that surprise me.
I have already finished my book that i was talking about previously.
I recommended it to a friend, she read half, but couldn’t tolerate how harsh it was.
She returned it, and yet again i recommended it to another friend.
She’s finding it hard to read.
I don’t understand how they can’t handle it, it honestly bemused me.
Things like that, dark, painful, depressing, books, movies, quotes, pictures they are my inspiration.
What does that say about myself?
I think i need to surround myself with happy things, maybe that would change my mood?
Maybe then i would not be influenced to do the things i do.
Maybe then i would appreciate the world.

i wonder if you will remember?


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