Those glossy eyes don’t need the sadness they have seen.

Remember when I called you, I was in Melbourne, your drunkenness amused me, you told me that you loved me, I stopped you I knew it wasn’t truthful, even you admitted it. I should have let you go then, but something called me back, something about you, something so darn eye catching and heart stopping at the time. It came to summer, we had it all planned out. Midnight walks on the beach, snuggling in the tent, you name it we thought about it. I really liked you, I wonder if you ever felt the same. The first day I saw you that summer was on top the skate board park hill, you rode up on your bike and reached for my hand and kissed it. It was so beautiful, the way you looked at me, I thought you really liked me. Obviously I was wrong. For most of the summer I avoided you, you were different person in front of my friends, masculine and something I wasn’t attracted to. We had plans, none of them happened, instead I was put in the dark. One night we were all sitting together, talking, laughing, being the people we are meant to be. We were holding hands under the blanket. It was time to go, everyone left and it was just me and you. We hugged, then you looked into my eyes and kissed me. I remember thinking, “It’s not even weird kissing someone with braces”  I wonder if you knew that you were my first kiss, I wonder if you knew I liked you? I remember getting back to the tent, being somewhat scared and confused. I received a text from you. “I’m sorry that shouldn’t have happened, I think we should just be friends.” He never came back to our camp site, he never talked to me again, well at least not like I hoped.

I wish my first kiss was romantic or with someone I loved, but it wasn’t, he was truly nothing to me, I wish I had known that back then.



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