Archive for December, 2010

Something to remember.
December 31, 2010

Boy and bear, the official loves of my life.



But some people make big mistakes, if they only knew they were mistakes.

December 26, 2010

Feeling weird.

I always do at this time of the year.
It makes me think too much, about everything that has happened this year.
Losing then gaining.

Christmas wasn’t the same. Full stop. I miss you, it makes people miserable.

I feel excited when I talk to you, but it’s bad.

December 22, 2010

All I can say is.. I should have known.

would like hair like this pls.

I should have known, that I really wasn’t anything to you.
That everything that came out of your mouth may have been true, but there was always someone else..
I hate liers.

I am floating away.

From too many people.
Is it my fault?  Am I bitch, is that what it is?
I need to keep my good friends close.
Remember who they are.
Instead of hanging on to these rude, non caring people.
I can’t stand being second, or third, to people who I care about.

I don’t feel much excitement any more.
It’s like being on a merry-go-round, I’m riding, but it’s nothing exhilarating.

December 17, 2010

Sometimes I don’t think it’s worth it.
I feel like a rag doll  being pushed and pulled by other peoples opinions.
Do this, do that, they shouldn’t be treating you like that, blah blah.
It infuriates me, and then I hurt the people that are close.
I am a bad rag doll, who doesn’t like to be told what to do.
I have my opinions, my thoughts on what is going on.
And I don’t need you to tell me what to do.

Your supposed to be there to support me, not tell me to end the best thing in my life.
It’s heart-breaking, but I lost a lot of respect for you today.

The Giving Tree.
December 16, 2010

Once there was a tree and she loved a little boy. And every day the boy would come and he would gather her leaves and make them into crowns and play king of the forest. He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat apples. And they would play hide-and-go-seek. And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade. And the boy loved the tree very much. And the tree was happy.

But time went by. And the boy grew older. And the tree was often alone. Then one day the boy came to the tree and the tree said. Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy?

I am too big to climb and play, said the boy. I want to buy things and have fun. I want some money. Can you give me some money?

I’m sorry, said the tree, but I have no money, I have only leaves and apples. Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city. Then you will have money and you will be happy. And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them away. And the tree was happy.

But the boy stayed away for a long time and the tree was sad. And then one day the boy came back and the tree shook with joy and she said, Come, Boy, climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and be happy.

I am too busy to climb trees, said the boy. I want a house to keep me warm. I want a wife and I want children, and so I need a house. Can you give me a house?

I have no house, said the tree. The forest is my house, but you may cut off my branches and build a house. Then you will be happy. And the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his house. And the tree was happy.

But the boy stayed away for a long time. And when he came back, the tree was so happy she could hardly speak. Come, Boy, she whispered, come and play.

I am too old and sad to play, said the boy. I want a boat that can take me far away from here. Can you give me a boat?

Cut down my trunk and make a boat, said the tree. Then you can sail away and be happy. And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away. And the tree was happy but not really. And after a long time the boy came back again.

I am sorry, Boy, said the tree, but I have nothing left to give you. My apples are gone.

My teeth are too weak for apples, said the boy.

My branches are gone, said the tree. You cannot swing on them.

I am too old to swing on branches, said the boy.

My trunk is gone, said the tree. You cannot climb.

I am too tired to climb, said the boy.

I am sorry, sighed the tree. I wish that I could give you something, but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump.

I don’t need very much now, said the boy. Just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired.

Well, said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could, Well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest. And the boy did. And the tree was happy.

December 15, 2010

I love being up all night wanting to pee and it hurting.


Fuck you urine infection, fuck you for making me have to go to the doctor.
I am scared of the doctor..

I realise it was you, who held me under.
December 13, 2010

This is all I know now.
It’s nothing strange, nothing embarrassing, nothing to be cautious about.
It’s love, it’s my love.

It’s scary, exhilarating,  anticipated, over-whelming.
It’s ‘true’ love.
The most a sixteen year old can imagine.

I wonder what’s in store for us.

‘You know that sensational feeling.. Love?’
December 10, 2010

Is love a burden or a gift?

Ask yourself that.
I find myself confused over it, even though I find myself in great great love.
Sometimes I find myself in situations where love is the only thing stopping me from walking away.
There are so many people in my life, that have stopped somewhat caring, but I still love them.
I can’t forgot them, but either can I forgive them.
Love is a major part of a relationship,  security love, friendship love, romantic love and unconditional love.
Love shapes everything.
Love is so important.
But then why does it cease to hurt so much, a lot of the time.

Tonight, I had dinner with my boyfriend.
Every day, I find out more and more things I love about him.

Tonight was perfect. ❤

December 9, 2010

It’s funny how some people trigger my emotions.

Tonight, I went to a leavers dinner.
I saw people I’ve grown up with, grown up.
I also felt something, like a pang of jealousy for seeing some people.
One who used to be in my life, nothing big, but something, something that is no longer there.
Something happened, I don’t know what, but it’s got the stage where we ignore each others existence.
I don’t like being like this towards you.

I am confronting you about this tomorrow.

I saw a lot of things in people tonight.
Things, I haven’t really realised before.
Emotions are over whelming.

Things are so special when you are passionate about something, and want it so much.
I saw Bradley today.
It had been a long time, too long.
Long enough for me to be worried about what I looked like and nervous in his presence.
Time, does things to us.
Good and bad.
Talking to him one second, and the next him him shushing me and kissing me passionately.
I was over powered by love for him, and somewhat newly attracted.
Tonight was an amazing night, and tomorrow will be too.
We have dinner reservations, for two.

Romance, how I love you.

I’ve been waiting so long..
December 7, 2010

I feel neglected.

I have come home and it’s like no one wants me.
The only people that have made exceptions are Lucy and Hannah, the two that always make the exceptions.
My own boyfriend.. I’m seeing him tomorrow, but you wouldn’t understand unless you were in my shoes.
It’s like I am so bored, that I am just constantly upset.
Over the smallest things.

That is the bad thing about holidays, you don’t see the people that you see every single day.
You fall apart.

I have a headache, I might have a bath, Oh how that would make everything so much better.