Archive for January, 2011

January 30, 2011

Last night was one of those special moments, that remind me of things before we were together.
Webcam, was something so us.
Every single night, till God knows what hour.
I would stare into those blue eyes, and know that I was falling in love.
and know there was no way I could stop that.
Last night I stared into those blue eyes on my screen again and saw that nervous cheesy grin I haven’t seen for a while.
I felt like things were just beginning. But then again, things had changed as well.
I am so comfortable in front of you.
The things I do, I would never do for anyone else.
Oh love.


January 29, 2011

At 3:19am I have discovered someone wonderful.
Someone that inspires me.
Take a read of this poem, and marvel on the strength that I see.

When I was a kid I would sometimes secretly call myself Andrew. Would tug at the crotch of my pants the way only pubescent boys do, ran around pounding on my bare chest like Tarzan. It’s not that I thought I’d grow up to be a man; I just never thought that I’d grow up to be a woman either. From what I could tell neither of those categories fit me, but believe me, I knew from a very young age never to say “Hey dad, this Adam or Eve thing isn’t working for me; I mean, what about all the kinds of people in between?”

In the third grade, Lynnette Lyons asked me where all my Barbies were, lied and told her I’d got in trouble so my mom took ‘em away. I didn’t dare say “Barbies suck, Lynnette! And for that matter, Tommy, so does GI Joe.”

I wanna grow into something none of us has ever seen before, and gender is just one of the ways we’re boxed in and labeled, before we’re ever able to speak who we dream we are, who we believe we’ll become, like drumbeats ever changing their rhythm. I am living today as someone I had not yet become yesterday, and tonight I will borrow only pieces of who I was today to carry with me to tomorrow.

No, I’m not gay. No, I’m not straight, and I’m sure as hell not bisexual, damn it! I am whatever I am when I am it, loving whoever you are when the stars shine and whoever you’ll be when the sun rises. Yes, I like girls. Yes, I like boys.

Yes, I like boys who like boys; I like girls who wear toys and girls who don’t; girls who don’t call themselves girls; crew cuts or curls and that really bad hair phase in between. I like steam rising from the body of a one-night stand; I like holding hands for three months before kissing; I like wishing your body was Saturn, my body thousand rings wrapped around you. You wanted to be a Buddhist nun once; last night you held my cervix between your fingers. I thank gods I don’t believe in for your changing. Tell me we’ll be naming our children “Beautiful” and nothing else.

Tell Barbie she can go now. Tell GI Joe to put his gun down and find a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a girl-boy-friend; fuck it, y’all, GI Joe just needs a friend. I mean, he’s plastic and not even the kind of plastic that bends. I want to bend in a thousand directions like the sun does, like love does, like time stopped so the hands of the clock could hold each other; and we held each other like I held these words for too many years on the tip of my tongue.

I am my mother’s daughter. I am midnight sun. You can find me on the moon waxing and waning, my heart full of petals, every single one begging “love me, love me, love me, whoever I am, whoever I become. Love me, love me, love me.”


Seriously check out some more poems by Andrea Gibson.
She’s amazing.

January 27, 2011

The other day something special happened. We were laying on my bed, gazing into each others eyes.
When as instinct I said “I love you.”
But what made this moment so special, was the fact that at the exact same time that I said it, he said it too.
It was somewhat awkward, but gave me a rush of butterflies through my body.
We smiled our goofy smiles, and laughed our goofy laughs.
And then reminisced on how important that moment was to us.

Being in love is an incredible feeling, something I wouldn’t give up easily.

I haven’t had much inspiration lately.
People seem to be letting me down a lot.
When I really needed them the most.
I’ve been thinking about my birthday a lot, and what I want.

I want good people in my life.
I want a warm hug, and soft kisses from the boy I love.
I want letters on why I am important.
I want something homemade.
I want a list.
I want something sentimental to me and that person.
I want smiles, and happiness.

I don’t want something expensive, I want something well thought about, and meaningful.

Too much expectations? haha.

Show the respect you deserve.
January 25, 2011

I don’t get how people can have such screwed up priorities. .

I’m sick of having these same types of people in my life.
That don’t care about each other.
That are continuously rude to myself and others.
That crave attention, and somehow get it.
That are self centered.
That have no self control.
That think it’s okay to replace each other with better ‘friends’.
That are all about drinking, yeah woo!

I can’t see whats the point.
I am turned off my friends.
Their values are shit lately.
I just wish I had the guts to say something.
Then again, where is it my place to say anything.
No one cares about my opinion anyway.

I’ll just sit here.. and write shit, on a blog. Yeah.

It’s like an addiction.
January 23, 2011

theres so much to be said, but I can’t say it. Here’s it in simple terms.

I think i’m depressed.


January 22, 2011

Happiness is a mood, not a destination.

Every now and then, I fall apart.
January 20, 2011


Fuck you to the people that have put me down, to the people that have hurt me, to the people that have sucked me in and spat me out, to the people that pretend to be my friends, to the people who bitch behind my back, to the people that leave me out, to the people that don’t know they are hurting my feelings.

I’m not satisfied with the people in my life.
They don’t give a fuck.

love + beach.
January 19, 2011

I loved today.

Nothing quite expresses the love I have for you.
Your my perfection, through the good and the bad.
Your the one I call home.

I love you.

this is my cousin.
January 17, 2011

the song in the background is an orginal by him.
the first time I heard this was at Pop’s funeral.
it will always be Pop’s song now.

I miss you everyday.

January 16, 2011


I used to wish for you and then I got you.
I used to wish things would be great and then they were.
I used to wish for things to be better, but they got worse.
I used to wish you would heal, but I lost you.
I used to wish you would come back, but your gone forever.
I wish for the impossible now, I am really only kidding myself, wait and see..

schedule me the fuck in.